Beautiful, Much-Needed Revelations

How’s that for a title?  I sure hope I can live up to it.

were stuck

Today I had a blow-out on the interstate.  I was in the HOV lane when it happened and somehow managed to get *almost* all the way over to the right shoulder in lunch-hour traffic.  I say almost because we actually got stuck in the median between six lanes of traffic and an on-ramp to the interstate.  Cars were going 70+ mph on both sides and our car swayed back and forth.  It took twenty minutes for the police to get there and about thirty for my dad to arrive.  By the time our tire was changed I was a shaking mess {MM, of course, slept through the whole thing}.

I realized while I was sitting there petrified of getting out and not knowing what–if anything–I could do, I was more scared for MM than anything else.  I was eaten up in worry over the thought of something happening to her.  {I realized later that I never crossed my mind.}  As if I didn’t know I was officially a mom then today showed me.  My feelings–that scared, hopelessness, worry–were all because of my child.  All I could do was pray and ask for strength to keep her from harm.

And while I was sitting there I started thinking about our other child.  I already worry about them and their birth mother.  I think about them constantly.  And just like sitting there helpless in my car waiting on help from someone, I am waiting helplessly until I get the call we were chosen.  All I can do is pray and ask for strength to keep them from harm.

Tonight I attended a wonderful dessert-and-coffee ladies program with our adoption agency.  It wasn’t just for women who were in the process of adopting, but for any woman who wanted to come.  They had a foster mother, birth mother, domestic adoptive mother {who was also domestically adopted herself–our situations were very similar}, and an international adoptive mother {Uganda} who had one biological daughter and one adopted. 

The whole time the ladies talked, I cried.  I nodded my head with what the adopted lady said because I know what that feels like, I wiped my eyes repeatedly listening to the birth mother speak because I imagine that my own birth mom went through so much of the same, and I cried when the adoptive mothers spoke of waiting to bring their babies home because I’m living right in the thick of that right now.

The lady who adopted from Uganda summed it up best when she said, ‘I’ve given birth and I’ve adopted.  Both of nerve-wrecking, scary, and messy.  They were both full of pain and worry.  But I wouldn’t trade all those feelings for anything because when I met my daughters for the first time–one in a delivery room, the other in an orphange–it was all worth it.’

And I know it will be.  …that all this waiting, the sometimes intentional hurtful things people say or do, the fundraising, the praying, the worrying, the day-dreaming will all be worth it. 

That being said, I cannot wait to meet our next child.  Please continue to pray for us.

3 Responses to Beautiful, Much-Needed Revelations

  1. kara @ launching our life together May 6, 2011 at 2:15 pm #

    Oh how sweet! I’m praying for your adoption and your baby and all of you! What a sweet post.

  2. Angela May 7, 2011 at 11:12 am #

    Yes, you lived up to your title! I’m sitting here all teary. I’m wondering about the intentionally hurtful things people are saying…that’s horrible & I’m sorry. At the end of all this will be two lucky parents, one lucky big sister, and one lucky new baby!

  3. Mimi May 7, 2011 at 12:18 pm #

    AND, one lucky set of grandparents!!! WE are so excited…we can’t wait to meet our newest grandchild….We feel so blessed!

Leave a Reply

Designed by WordPress. Designed and maintained by